What’s My Purpose?

I get up each morning about 6:30 am {sometimes it’s closer to 7 am} and promptly feed the cat. After I start my coffee, the computer is turned on. I really love the early morning although I am *not* a morning person. I cannot seem to actually function until about 10 am.

I open my email first, then the TOS homeschool review crew forum, and facebook. In that order. The TOS homeschool review forum generally takes the most time but my email seems to get full quickly. Facebook is really just a time leech, but almost every day there are at least two verses that I can read that someone else has posted {yes, that does make me feel better}.

Breakfast, if it isn’t just coffee, is generally made around 8 am. By this time my kids are starting to stir. I can hear their beds creak as they stretch and turn over. I know they are contemplating whether they should get up or wait until I tell them to get up.

It would be great to say that I have the kids’ schedules all planned out –for the week –before the day starts {well, before the week starts would be even better to say} but it isn’t true always. This morning I had to quickly put together ds’s day. The rest of the week is still blank but for Bible reading and his verse.

All that to say, I have a routine {of sorts} and it is comfortable.

Yesterday –or was it the day before? –I started reading my Bible again. You may recall I said I would read the Bible in 90 days. Well, I did not. I got stuck in Proverbs {after I’d read Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon- a bit backward, eh}. So I’d decided to use my Christmas gift KJV Study Bible to get back into reading my Bible every day. I’m beyond reading it in a set time frame- I just want to read it.

I’m in Isaiah now, chapter 8. But what really struck me this morning as I read is I do not say, “Here I am, Lord; send me.” (Isaiah 6:8)

At church on Sunday, in adult Sunday School, we read 1 Peter 2:11 “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.” We did go through all of the verse but what I keep thinking about is ‘strangers and pilgrims’.

If we are strangers and pilgrims it means we do not belong here. This is not our home. But I’ve become so comfortable here. There is nothing wrong with having things –but could I live without them? I wonder if my comfort with the things of this world have made me less likely to say, “Lord, here I am, send me.” I will be honest though, I’ve never said that in the first place. {I could say that homeschooling is a time when I said it, or when I’ve submitted to my husband even though it went against what *I* wanted…but I mean something big –like in Isaiah’s case}

I don’t mind living with less- I never had much growing up and it’s only been the last few years that I’ve felt like I have the ‘luxuries’ {that is a relative term, I’m sure}. Anyway, my point is- what is my purpose? I am to bring glory to God through my very existence. But just ‘being’ feels like so little to be ‘doing’ for God. The trees and rocks themselves proclaim God’s glory- and they cannot talk or move!

*Gulp* In Sunday morning service, the pastor talked about Paul’s willingness to participate in Jesus’ suffering as well as the great benefits. That is what I feel I need to be ‘doing’. But the thought of suffering isn’t appealing to me at all. I do not want discomfort. That is why I do not say “Here I am, Lord; send me.” Which brings me back to my original question – what is my purpose? It’s been on my mind every day for days now. I’m very glad that it’s been lain on my heart but I will admit that I’m nervous to hear what the answer is –what it is that I’m meant to do.

I feel something is on the horizon. I trust God in all things {that quickening of my heart at the thought of change doesn’t mean I don’t trust} and will continue to trust him in this as well.