There Is Absolutely No Advice in This Post

In light of the New Year, there’s new resolutions. New goals… All admirable, to be sure. Weight loss, drawing closer to God, more organization, friendlier demeanor, better housekeeping, more activities outside the home, better person, etc. {Yada, yada, yada.}

How are your goals coming along?

I’ll share some of how my goals are shaping up {lol, weight loss is one of mine- no pun intended- well, wait, sure let’s leave the pun}.

Mine aren’t.

I’m so far behind with my goals. As in…I never started them. It seems there is a wall, or no it’s more like a bubble that I am in, that is preventing my being able to get started, let alone complete, my goals.

My very first goal of the New Year was is still to draw closer to God. Yet I’ve not said a prayer since before Christmas. Exhale. I’ve said it. It’s been eating away at me for quite a while now. Now that I’ve made the goal {not quite the same as commitment is it?}, then I can’t even do as I had been doing. What’s with that??

And my bed gets made about 4 out of 7 days in the week. But I’m thinking, in my mind, that not being able to say a prayer is a little more important than making my bed. My routine of getting up at 6:30 am and going to bed by 10:00 pm has also been wonky lately.

I’m totally at a loss here.

This was something that started about Thanksgiving time. I felt the need, the urge and desire, to start some new ‘traditions’ {like our thankful tree} and to be …well, better about things.

But now I feel empty.

It isn’t visible by looking at me. The same routines I had before {besides my bed time and wake time} are in place. I shower almost every day, even wear makeup and ‘fix’ my hair generally {some days I just like to forget about all that}. The dishes are done just as often and we’ve {finally} gotten back to the school routine. It is something that I feel inside- or don’t feel- that is different.

I want to be so much more. And I’m failing.

I’m writing this and not really sure what good it will do but for the getting it out. I’ve expected to feel some sort of rush of relief after typing it…and I don’t. I’m going through the motions but waiting for something. Of course I cannot have if I do not ask for it in the first place. (1 John 5:14; Luke 11:9)

But what if I ask amiss? (James 4:3)

What do I even ask for?

Tonight we have prayer meeting at church and I am going…but I’m not sure how it will go. Perhaps it is a first step in the right direction…maybe it’s just a step.