Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Chant that a few times and we’re good. We are protected from the worst that can be hurled at us. {No we’re not.}
Stress, anger, and a myriad of other emotions can make us say things that we wouldn’t otherwise say {although we may think them}. Once they are out, they cannot be taken back.
After a few days of being tried {attitudes- rudeness- and repeat}, I said something to one {or both, I can’t recall} of my kids to make them stop. Thought nothing of it. The look on their faces was of dejection and hurt feelings but I felt justified because now there would be some peace. They would stop and see that they were misbehaving.
The day went on after that without a hitch; attitudes improved {outwardly} and work was done.
Later that night *I* was the one being annoying, continuously, even though I knew that it was bothersome. I just kept at it; the reason why I am unsure of now. But those words that I had said in anger and frustration earlier to my children were said to me.
Slap. It was a slap. Not physical of course but the pain it caused was just as real. I didn’t dare say how it felt since I had brought it upon myself, I knew. The tone that it was said to me was different than when I had practically yelled the words. His tone held pleading and tiredness.
It was only two words but I will never say them again to my children. I almost wish that they had been said to me sooner so that I could have felt the pain they inflicted.
I relayed this experience to both of my children and you know what they did? They did not say, with satisfaction, “You deserved it.” They did not look at me with smugness from my finally getting a taste of my own ‘medicine’. No.
They were so sweet. The look on their faces was of understanding. They knew how it felt. I think they were also relieved that now I knew, too.
Words can hurt. Deeply.
I think of one the benefits (disguised as a challenge) of being a homeschooling parent is the humbling lessons *I* myself learn. This job isn't for wimps, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI love my 'job' :)
DeleteTwo words.. bet I can guess them. If it is those two... Here's my two cents on them.
ReplyDeleteIt bothers me that adults throw those words around at kids all the time. ALL THE TIME. It's standard fare in most homes. It was when I was growing up. Yet let another adult say those two words to us and we're stunned! I've had an adult say those words to me and not only is it hurtful, I felt like I was being treated like a child. Which is sad...why are those words acceptable to be used on children?
Well I'm glad that everyone has learned their lesson..whatever the two words were. The air is cleared and everyone can move on.. :-)
I think you have guessed the words. They seem so...trivial...non-consequential...but ouch. Yes, lessons learned :) Moving on :)
DeleteBeautiful. I love how we grow as a family- as a unit - together. Beautiful Post.
ReplyDeleteEverything in life is a lesson I think. When things happen like you described, it's good we can look back and 'see'. The bible says “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt, so as to know how you ought to give an answer to each one.” (Col 4:6) One’s conduct and speech should always be in good taste, considerate, and wholesome. But that is not always what we manage to do. Sometimes we just blurt out something without thinking and then are sorry later. I know, I have been there many times.
ReplyDeleteVery good verse. We have Proverbs 16:24 on our wall but I didn't pay it any mind that day. I'm trying each day to be better.
DeleteOh that is such a nice verse! I would do well to remember that one myself! When I was looking up and trying to think of scripture to quote, I couldn't find the one I was looking for - you know how that goes. I found James 3:8 but didn't think it really portrayed what I wanted to convey. {{{hugs}}}
DeleteI think I know the words. I've said them. Seen the look and felt the pain. I have also felt the justifiable reprimand from my 12 year old that has special needs. Talk about bringing you to your knees.
ReplyDeleteBUT we are humans and we are forgiven. I have asked my children forgiveness for when I am cranky and the most precious words are "I forgive you." (hugs)
Forgiveness is one of the sweetness things.
DeleteI imagine the words are the two that were minimized in the movie, "Princess Diary". Their impact was emphasized when they were said by the princess to the queen of ...is it Monrovia? Anyway, it has likewise been our policy to keep those words in Pandora's box at our house and to throw away the key.
ReplyDeleteThere was a book put out by Focus on the Family (published by them?) of ...I can't remember what it's called... Family Night? And an illustration is used of giving the kids a tube of toothpaste and telling them to squeeze it all out into the sink. When that's done, the kids are told, now put it back in the tube. Obviously that can't be done. The illustration is then drawn that the toothpaste is like our words--once they leave our mouths we can't take them back. James -- we need to keep control over our tongues.
Very good post, North Laurel; very good!
"Excuse me?" said the Queen of Monrovia ... Yes, those are the words.
ReplyDeleteI will have a look see for that book. And great illustration.